Friday, April 30, 2010

The Howling Part 2: or My Sister Is A Werewolf..Or Stirba-Werewolf Bitch

Christopher Lee. Werewolf boobs. That's about it.....

After recording this podcast, we realized that, flawed and bad as this film was, it not bad enough. So, enjoy a condensed episode of Cinemasochists!

Starring: Christopher Lee, Sybill Danning
Philippe Mora
Gary Brandner (novel)
Robert Sarno (screenplay)

Twice the terror! Twice the torment!


Friday, April 23, 2010

Hudson Hawk or "Looks like you won't be attending that hat convention in July!"

Bruce Willis' 1992 vanity project should have been left on paper. Not even his charisma could stop us from slamming this awful jerk-off project. Noah Green is our special guest this week. Enjoy!

Hudson Hawk - 1992 Sony Pictures
Starring: Bruce Willis, Andie McDowell, Danny Aiello, James Coburn and more.

Directed by: Michael Lehmann

Written by: Bruce Willis, Robert Kraft, Steven E. de Souza and Daniel Waters

Thursday, April 22, 2010

The 6 Most Frightening Scenes in Supposedly "Family" Films

Hey Everybody! Michael here.

I'd like to take the topic off of stultifyingly terrible movies for just a moment, and concentrate on what instead are some of my all time favorite movie scenes. These being, truly and utterly horrifying scenes in what are otherwise pleasant, family approved films. So without further ado, here are what I consider the six most frightening of them.


#6 - Chitty Chitty Bang Bang: "The Child Catcher"

In this film, Dick Van Dyke plays an eccentric inventor in early 20th century england named Caractacus Potts, who invents a flying car that his family name Chitty Chitty Bang Bang, then, from what I can discern, some craziness ensues. Now, considering that the screenplay for this movie was written by the guy who wrote Willy Wonka and James and the Giant Peach and was adapted from a novel by the guy who invented James Bond, there's bound to be some pretty crazy shit in it. And, sure enough, here's the Child Catcher. A sinister mad man who kidnaps children so that he can, I assume, bring them into his lair, ripped them to pieces while they're still alive and feast on their raw flesh.

#5 - The 5000 Fingers of Dr. T: "The Singing Elevator Dungeon Master"

This is the only live action film to ever be written by Theodor Geisel (aka: Dr. Seuss), and as a result it's also quite bizarre. The production design is amazing, and there's a lot of great imagery, an example being two old men on roller skates connected by a single beard. The most frightening image though, is the hooded elevator operator/dungeon master who sings of the horrible torture devices as poor unfortunate souls descend into the deepest depths of Dr. T's dungeon. Truly the stuff of nightmares.

#4 - The Wizard of Oz: "The Flying Monkeys"

There are few other movie scenes that have scared as many children as the attack of the flying monkeys in The Wizard of Oz. Just look at them swarming like the dark messengers of death.

#3 - Return to Oz: "The Wheelers"

And from the Wizard of Oz's sort of sequel we have our next entry. Honestly, I'm kind of cheating here, because there's very little in this film which isn't scary. From the moaning heard in the insane asylum where Dorothy is brought at the beginning to the Witch Queen and her hall of screaming heads, this movie is right up there with The Exorcist and the Texas Chainsaw Massacre. Still, it's supposed to be a family picture, so I think this entry counts. And the wheelers are pretty fucking frightening.

#2 - Darby O'Gill and the Little People: "The Banshee"

This is a Disney film full of leprechauns, pots o' gold, and other fanciful Irish mythology. It also stars Sean Connery, which I figure just meant that the producers assumed that Americans wouldn't be able to tell the difference between a Scottish and an Irish accent. The real star of this film though, is the shrieking banshee.

(Start watching at 9:40 in)

#1 - Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory: "The Boat Ride into Hell"

And my personal favorite, Willy Wonka's psychedelic boat ride! Is the grisly reaper mowing?

Friday, April 16, 2010


Battlefield Earth....Yep, Battlefield Earth. If you listen closely, our interest in life wanes as the podcast goes on...That's what this one does to ya. Godspeed, my friends and enjoy!
Battlefield Earth - 2000 (Warner Brothers)

Starring: John Travolta, Barry Pepper and Forest Whitaker

Directed by: Roger Christian

Written by: Corey Mandell, JD Shapiro.."And the rest!"

Tuesday, April 13, 2010

“You Know I Just Wanna ROCK-U-LA or; I Can’t Make This Shit Up”

Our protagonist, Ralph is a 300 year old vampire stuck in a 20 something’s body. His mother, played by Toni Basil is also a centuries old vampire stuck in a 20 something’s body…She likes to sing….

Poor Ralph has been cursed. Every 22 years he runs into, Mona, the girl of his dreams. But every time he finds her, these goddamn peg legged pirates kidnap her and take her away. WHAT?!?! Yeah, this whole movie is chock full of ‘em.

So, Ralph’s friends consist of a couple bar dudes, his reflection and Bo Diddley…No, really. Bo Diddley. Luckily the bar dudes and Bo can play instruments because the only way to impress this 1980’s incarnation of Mona is to be a rock star because Mona too, is a rock star.
The villain is Stanley (played with hammy perfection by Thomas Dolby) and he will stop at nothing to divert Mona’s attention away from Ralph. He even somehow obtains a cryogenic freezing chamber from a gypsy to capture Mona and freeze her so she doesn’t have to kiss Ralph….. (?) Whatever. Either way, after a half dozen or more genre jumping musical numbers (RAPULA anyone?) and a confusing confrontation with Stanley, Ralph gets the girl and they live eternally ever after.

Rockula is forgotten for a reason. It’s very much a cash-in of Porky’s, Teen Wolf, Monster Squad and perhaps Rocky Horror Picture Show. Although as silly and slightly entertaining as it is, by the end I’m bored to tears and I have a sneaking suspicion the people involved in making this were too. Don’t expect the Rockula remake anytime soon. This will be stuck in the vaults forever.

Sean - 4-13-2010


Directed by: Luca Bercovici

Written by: Luca Bercovici and Jefrey Levy

Starring: Dean Cameron, Toni Basil, Thomas Dolby, Bo Diddley and Tawny Fere


Friday, April 9, 2010

"His Ass Was Grass and I Was The Lawnmower!" or; Stop Or My Mom Will Shoot!

So, we made it....Barely. Here's this weeks podcast, "Stop Or My Mom Will Shoot!"
(dont try this at home...)
Stop Or My Mom Will Shoot!
Universal Pictures - 1992
Starring: Sylvester Stallone and Estelle Getty
Director: Roger Spottiswoode