Tuesday, January 25, 2011

Cine-menus Number 1: Kangaroo Jack

Dinner, and a movie.

The timeless art of romantic seduction, dating back to the days of Shakespeare.

Who amongst us could forget the moment in which Romeo and Juliet ever-so-cinematically laid eyes upon one another for the first time in 1996 through that stupid fish tank at the annual Capulet masquerade dinner party. I was eating popcorn, but I probably would have found some redemption in that god-awful scene had someone handed me a bucket of caviar instead.

And so, in true cinemasochist style, Mama Maria’s kitchen has opened its ovens this year in the hopes of finding some semblance of appropriate meals that will help viewers, if nothing else, eat their way through moronic movies.

Winner of last year’s best Culinary CineMENUchists Meal:

KING KONG: Monkeying Around In the Kitchen.

Tostones topped with fresh shrimp and cilantro ceviche.

For dessert, we enjoyed chocolate dipped banana Monkey Pops (or, as the locals more commonly now refer to them: Shitty Dick Sticks) – thanks to Claire Crespo for the inspiration for those ediblely inappropriate gems.

Which brings us to 2011 and the first cinemenu of the year.

KANGAROO JACK: A few less shrimp on the Barbie, or “A Fair Suck of the Sac!”


Monterey JACK cheese and “Crack-a-Fat” crackers.


“Rip Snortin” Rissoles w/ Baked “Bushman” Butternut Squash & “Fair Dinkum” Fennel


If a croquette and a meatball had an Australian baby, it would be a perfect meat patty and they would name it rissole.

1/2 red onion, finely chopped

1 bunch fresh parsley, chopped

2 eggs

A sprinkle of spiced seasonings to taste.

Ground turkey burger.

Mix ingredients together and shape into palm-size patties.

Coat patties in flour.

Brown Rissoles in sauce pan with olive oil.


Slice the butternut squash and chop off the rind – feel free to make fun shapes with your slices – much like the fun facial expressions of Kangaroo Jack himself!

Place them in a baking pan.

Thinly slice a bulb of fennel and sprinkle slices generously over the butternut squash.

Cover with olive oil and paprika.

Bake at 350 until fennel is browned and the squash is fork-poke soft.


“Down Under” Damper w/ “Ankle Biter” Apples.

Despite its unappetizing name, Damper is a delightfully light sweet bread which looks

and tastes much like a scone. You can make this over an open fire, in true kangaroo style, or in a regular oven, like the rest of the civilized world.


2 cups flour

1/2 teaspoon salt

2 teaspoons sugar

2 tablesoons butter

1 cup soy milk

3 baby jazz apples

Chop and pre-bake apples covered in sugar, butter, and cinnamon at 350 for about 20 mintues.

Mix flour, salt, and sugar together in a bowl.

Cut butter into small bits and knead it into the flour mixture forming a bread crumb-like consistency.

Add milk and knead again until your hands are too sticky to turn on the sink without making a mess or getting stuck to the faucet.

Flatten the dough onto a sheet of parchment paper.

Separate into circular-ish pieces. Fill the small dough pieces (ala turnover style) with apples.

Bake again for another 20-30 minutes at 350.

Try and enjoy your meal, despite the fact that you are watching Kangaroo Jack.

Til next time,

Stay hungry,

Mama Maria.


No comments:

Post a Comment